The Pleasant Millionaires

Sports? What?

2010-03-10T23:17:00.004-06:00

OK, I know. Sports doesn't get covered much by Chim or myself. Nor does anything else, for that matter. Give us a break, we are college kids who try hard to please our parents with good grades, grade A babes, and babies (legitimate or not). My parents won't be too pleased with me. I have only managed to bring home one of the three. Which one? Don't worry about it.

Lately, I have abandoned my old ways of drinking water, or anything, out of regular glasses and cups. Say it with me, Mason Jar. Now, my name isn't Mason, and it isn't Jar, but that doesn't mean i can't drink out of something my grandma makes pickled everything in. Mason jars are the new Nalgene bottles. Mark my word.

I never knew how incompetent I was as an 8th grader until right now. I have a charcoal picture of Kobe Bryant that I made in 8th grade art class hanging on my wall. When I made it, I thought I resembled a young DaVinci. Now that I look closer at the piece, it looks like fucking Scottie Pippen. Why didn't someone tell me?

I have a stack of Metropolitan Home, Oprah, and Good Housekeeping magazines in my bedroom. I needed them for an advertising class so I asked my mom for any mags she could scrap up. This is what I got. I'm not gay. I just know more about housekeeping than you.

I have the urge to go fishing. Not like deep-sea fishing for sharks and piranhas. I want to fish for sunfish and perch. I used to own those little bastards with my Snoopy fishing pole and cans upon cans of corn. I was the Walter Ray Williams Jr. of sunfish fishing.

If you expected sports insight about college basketball or the NBA, this isn't the place to get it. We aren't ESPN. What you will get is a delicious breakfast and a bowling reference.

-Kenneth Noisewater

The Jeff Dunham Show: A Review

2009-10-29T19:14:00.003-05:00

Every so often, I start to feel warm toward my fellow man. I start to think thoughts like "We're all in this together" and "actually you aren't a complete idiot." These notions don't last, as undoubtedly the public will elevate meaningless twaddle to levels of popularity that befuddles people like me (and hopefully you) who like to think about what is going on in front of our faces and the faces of our friends. But since it's fun to write about, I watched the first episode of The Jeff Dunham Show with the intent to write a review last Saturday. After a minor emotional breakdown followed by a descent into solipsism, I am finally ready to write. Let's begin.

The show is introduced by puppet Achmed the Dead Terrorist, who says "Greetings Infidels please welcome Jeff Dunham!" At this point I knew I was in for a real treat.

I know that it isn't fair to breakdown a joke, but it's also not fair that Dunham is getting any work above playing elementary school for racist children, so I'm going to do it.

Dunham's old man puppet, Walter, finds it hard to believe Puppetmaster got his own show. I empathize so far.
Walter: Are you serious? You have your own show?
Dunham: Yeah you know why?
Walter: Youtube was sick of you?
Walter: Seriously, they'll give anyone a show nowadays.
Dunham: What makes you say that?
Walter: Read my lips, the "Jeff Dunham Show."
Audience: Masturbatory Laugh

And that basically sums up the show, a self-referencing disaster. When he said they'll give anyone a show, we all knew he was talking about Dunham, yet that was the punchline? It doesn't work you. It should have fallen flat. But the audience loved it. If he said read my lips, the "New York Goes to Work," the joke would have at least made sense, granted it would have been lazy.

But that isn't a problem for Jeff Dunham. He uses homophopic and racist stereotypes in a way that would make Carlos Mencia blush. The next sketch features Achmed doing standup comedy, highlighting these stereotypes with such gems as:

"The economy is so bad, I had to sell my goat. now if I want sex, I have to do it with my wife."
"So any Jews here tonight? Oh ok, skip that bit."
And so on.

Now, politically incorrect humor is my favorite, and comedians like Daniel Tosh and Louis C.K. do it extraordinarily well. But this isn't funny. It's not clever.

What could make the episode better than a bit of corporate whoring? Enter Brooke Hogan. Dunham makes a little joke about blatantly advertising her presumably awful CD by looking at the camera and saying they listen to it in the car. However, Brooke Hogan actually stars in the next sketch which is reminiscent of Chris Martin in Extras, which satirizes exactly this kind of shameless promotion.

Also, this is a puppet show.

Comedy is an art form in the right hands. But because Dunham wasn't blessed with a particularly comedic mind, he puts stereotypical puppets in his hands and sells tickets to the cretins that go around reciting awful punchlines. This show is a national embarrassment that once again highlights the idiocy in mainstream pop culture. It's a show that uses punchlines and a laugh track to let it's idiot viewers know when to laugh.

Overall I give it a four out of five.

Stupid People

2009-10-27T11:54:00.003-05:00

I'm not usually a pessimist, but when someone is walking in 30 degree weather wearing only shorts and a t-shirt, I'm going to tell you you're an idiot. No, I didn't say it to his face, because I figure if he didn't listen to the weather man, he won't listen to me.

This is really bothering me. He was so visibly cold and uncomfortable, I thought he was going to pass out. Put on a jacket, man. If you look outside in the morning and it isn't July, you might want to think about layering. Go to Old Navy, they'll teach you how to do it properly. Don't be Stupid. Have a great day :)

-Kenneth

New Words

2009-10-20T16:07:00.004-05:00

This is an assignment gone too far. I had to make up a word and definition for a class, but i was having too much fun and some situations happened to me recently that didn't have a word to describe them. Please use these words in your everyday speech. I'd appreciate it. Mahalo.

Stryfol – n. (stry-fole) A situation where one must decide between two unappealing options. Jimmy was in a stryfol when he had to decide between visiting his in-laws and going to the ballet.

Misstud – v. (miss-tud) The action of missing the stud on a wall when hanging an object. I thought I knew where the stud was, but I misstud and the picture fell down.

Coconull – n. (Koko-null) The moment one realizes that he or she is void of milk after eating something rich in chocolate. After eating her brownie, Candace suffered from coconull when she picked up the empty milk carton.

Glycoek – v. (gly-kook) The act of missing one’s eye while putting in eye drops. Eric glycoeked twice before finally landing eye drops in his infected eye.

Aviandow – n. (Ay-vee-en-doe) The act of a bird flying into a window that is so clean it looks invisible. After Sally cleaned her sliding-glass door, a sparrow committed aviandow, and fell to the ground.

On my Brain

2009-09-23T10:07:00.005-05:00

A few things have been bothering me from the time I left my Public Relations Principles class, to the time I sat down at the computer in the LLL (Livingston Lord Library).

1. Some guy handed me a little slip of paper telling me to vote for him for Vice President of something. I've never seen this guy in my life before, and as soon as he handed me that slip, I knew he would not get my vote. As Mitch Hedberg says, "Here, you throw this away."

2. Stupid abortion genocide people get off of campus please. I don't really care what you think about pro life and quite frankly, you are simply in my way. Your actions on campus bring me closer and closer to believe exactly opposite of what you want me to believe. Go abortion! LOLZ! No, I joke. But for real, leave everyone alone.

3. This goes out to the guy talking on his cellular telephone in a silent computer lab. I really don't care what you plan on doing for lunch or how drunk you got last night. I just want to surf the 'net in peace while I kill time between classes. Go join the abortionocides.

P.S. Turn off your Black Eyed Peas ringtone.

Have a nice day.

-Kenneth

Top 4*

2009-05-10T23:24:00.006-05:00

There are some things in the world that just shouldn't be. This round of Top 4* comes in the form of things that are weird to my eyes. Some of these things might be considered strange due to stereotypes, and some might just plain be weird. Whatever it is, I don't like them:

1. The Unexpected Drink
Have you ever taken a drink of water expecting milk? Once the liquid hits your lips, you get a huge wake-up call and suddenly you are experiencing the biggest let-down of your day. This ruins the rest of the meal because you wish so badly that you were drinking what you thought you were drinking instead of what you are actually drinking. Catch my drift?

2. African American Hockey Players
Now, I'm not saying that there is anything physically wrong with an African American hockey player. I'm just saying it looks a little weird. Hockey is primarily a white sport in which very few African Americans play. I think it's great that there are some in the NHL, but I find it a little odd when I see an African American hockey player on the ice.

3. Muscular Asians
You are probably thinking that I am just picking out the racial things I see. But, like I said, some of these are based upon stereotypes. When I think of Asian men, I picture small, slender individuals. I was in the gym the other day and there was a very muscular Asian man and it just looked a little odd. Under normal circumstances, I would see an Asian man doing math or driving poorly, not in a gym bench pressing twice my body weight. Now they can not only solve a Rubix Cube faster that I can, but they can also kick my ass.

4. Keytarists who aren't trolls
When I hear, and/or see, someone playing a keytar, I picture them walking up a moonlit mountain side on the lawn of an ancient Scottish castle while shredding a lick from Edvard Grieg's "In the Hall of the Mountain King." I also picture them as a troll. I don't know why as I have never seen a keytarist in the flesh, but the only suitable life form for one would be as a troll. At least in my mind. I hope, someday, that I do see a keytarist, and I hope that he/she is also a troll.

* I didn't have time for 5. No, I'm just lazy.

Gamble...For Free!

2009-04-23T17:25:00.002-05:00

Wouldn't it be great to win money without risking any of your own? Don't "x" out of this page and think this is a scam, it isn't. You have my word. The site is called CentSports. It is an online sports betting site, which provides you the money to gamble with. Now, why the hell would someone give you free money to just blow by betting on sports? The truth is, it isn't actually money until you make something out of it. Here's how it works. When you sign up, CentSports gives you 10 cents to start your betting with. You can use it as you please and bet how you want. If you lose your first bet and find yourself with no money, don't worry, CentSports will put 10 cents back into your account so you can start all over.

You're probably wondering, how can they afford to dish out money like that? The answer is advertisers. When a company chooses to advertise on their site, CentSports get paid. That advertising money is what your potential winnings are coming from. The one and only catch is that in order to win, you have to make that 10 cents grow into $20. It's actually easier than you think if you don't get greedy and you play your bets right. I got as high at $16 until I became greedy and bet big on long shots. I do have one warning, it's addicting.

Top 5 Friday

2009-04-17T20:52:00.009-05:00

I basically choose to make a "Top X" any day of the week I feel is convenient. And because I tend to get lazy, I also make the decision on how many "units" the list will contain. Today's list will consist of five. After living in Hilo, Hawaii for three and a half months, I can't understand how people don't become utterly depressed. It rains here non-stop and the sun rarely sees through the clouds. Because mother nature is a drunken witch, my attitude towards a lot of things has slowly began to drip into the cracks of negativity (Look out E. A. Poe). For this, I introduce you to Top 5 Friday where I will digest the half-empty glass of the things I hate the most this week.

1. "I know, right?"
Really? Did you just say that? I will say it now that this is the most overused phrase in the English language. Here is an example: Person #1 "This rain is getting annoying!" Person #2 "I know, right?" After I make a statement, I don't need you to ask me for confirmation that I agree with you. A simple "I know" will do. It doesn't make you sound witty, all it does is make you sound like you can't think of anything else to say.

2. Besties
If I am your best friend, at no point in our friendship shall you refer to me as your "bestie." This term is way too vague. Does "bestie" mean that I am your best slave? I really don't know. So, to avoid and unnecessary confusion, please refrain from using this stale, banal word.

3. The way Hawaiians talk
I am practically emerced in Hawaiian "pidgeon." I have no problems with Hawaiians in general, they happen to be very nice people. I just really hate their dialect. "Hey brah, you're going to the dakine, the store? Get me tree eggs, yah?" Wtf? Yes, I can clearly see what you are in need of, but why must you speak this way? You are Americans now, act like it.

4. This guy..
I have no comment for this guy (click the link). Actually I have a lot, but he doesn't deserve the energy it takes to voice my opinion.

5. Posting pictures of you kissing your loved one online
I want to see this just about as much as I want to pull off Robin William's dingleberries. If I want to see this, I will simple come to your home and ask to see it in person. Just by knowing that you are in a relationship, I can assume that you and your significant other make lip-to-lip contact. I don't need any visual evidence.

Mahalo! Now go out and apply what you have learned today.

Top 10 Tuesday

2008-11-24T17:05:00.002-06:00

No I'm not an idiot. I know it isn't Tuesday. Before I go any further, I want to know why the (explicative) spell check stopped me in my tracks when I typed the word "isn't". There is goes again. WTF. When I was growing up, ain't ain't a word so you ain't supposed to use it 'cause it ain't in the dictionary. But now apparently "isn't" IS NOT a word. Spell check is about as reliable as Wikipedia in the 1700's. Make of that what you wish.
Back to the countdown. This version of Top Ten Tuesday is extremely late. In fact, I planned on having one every week. But it turned out that I stopped after the first one which I think I posted on a Thursday.
I actually don't even know what my topic is going to be. What do you think? Colors? No, I hate you now for coming up with that lame topic. How about "Things that Suck"? The only reason I thought about this was because of that lame topic of "Top Ten Colors". And that topic sucks.

Things that Suck.
10. Technology.
- Weren't we supposed to be in flying cars right now? George Jetson is a liar.

9. Vacuums.
- Of course I'm going to put this right? I don't even care about how they literally suck. I just hate how damn loud they are. I also hate vacuuming.

8. Driving.
- Can't we all just teleport. Driving is such a waste of time. NASCAR also falls into this topic.

7. People on Cash Cab
- Some people are just idiots. And weird.

6. Tyler Perry's House of Payne.
- Oh my God. I don't even-- This should actually be #1 but it is so incredibly horrible that I might put it twice. Stay tuned.

5. Deciding to make it Top 10 Tuesday instead of Top 5 Tuesday.
- I'm just really lazy. But I'll do it for the three people who actually read this.

4. The writer's strike ending.
- Even though it brought back my favorite shows, Conan was so much funnier while the strike was on.

3. Sleeping with Socks.
-This is just a terrible, terrible feeling. It's like wearing a beanie in the summer.

2. Bob Saget on American Funniest Home Videos.
- His impressions are indescribable. He apparently knows what animals would sound like if they could talk.

1. The Holocaust.
- I'm not trying to be cheeky, but this really did suck.

Back for at least a couple more posts depending on your reaction

2008-11-24T12:36:00.002-06:00

Some things might not make sense as this was originally composed for facebook and I'm too lazy to go through and change it, not that it would be interesting to you if you don't personally already know me anyway.

I'm starting this note without any purpose or sense of direction. In fact, the only reason I am writing this is because I haven't done one (that wasn't advertising a radio show) before. I also don't have class until 1:30 tomorrow.
With this in mind, you might want to stop reading and use your time elsewhere. I might not come up with anything of any interest. Though I suppose I won't post this if I didn't. So now your relying on my judgment on whether or not this will entertain you.
Right, so I have about 4 weeks left in Grantham if all goes according to plan. I'm glad to get out. It's not that I don't like some of the people in Grantham. It's that I hate some of the people in Grantham. I can't tolerate many of the people I see here.
These feelings are generally reserved for when I'm driving or listening to pop music. Why the hatred? Multiple reasons, but all can be summed up by counting drops of piss on the toilet seats on third floor Grantham. The seats look like Honeycombs. And walking past people in the halls I can just tell which ones care and which ones piss on seats. I thought I left these people back in high school, or I at least hoped they would join a fraternity.
These are the people who dribble a basketball for 15 minutes at a time in a dorm room. At 10 a.m. on a Saturday. I'm taking 4 different psych classes next semester just to try and figure out what brain processes are behind that bizarre action. Dribbling a basketball in a dorm room is not fun. This is not debatable. Questioning this fact is madness. It can't be fun. It just CAN'T. Because if it is, everything I thought I knew about life is lost in a horrible whirlwind of something really bad yet undiscovered.
It also won't make you better at basketball. I know this from personal experience. I dribbled many a basketball while sitting on folding chairs while riding the bench. I can say rather confidently that the coach never looked down the bench to see me sitting down on a chair dribbling under my legs and thought "Jesus look how fast it goes from his left hand to his right, get him in the game."
Most people suck at basketball, but they play it anyway. They say it's to stay in shape, but everyone who's ever played thinks they are better than they are. But say they do play it to stay in shape. For most people this is fine. It's therapeutic. A release. It's exercise, and it's good for you. I need to exercise. It keeps them from being able to tell us what a heart attack feels like. But what is the use of staying alive longer if you are the type of person who routinely pisses on toilet seats, so much so that 3 days removed from the most recent cleaning (on Friday) I can't sit down and lay brown eggs. These people add NOTHING to society, except drunk-driving and date-rape. And AIDS. Because you know whoever had sex with that monkey is one of these people.
Other than that it was a good weekend.

I Hate Your State Too

2008-01-20T22:09:00.000-06:00

I hail from North Dakota (ND), and I happen to be proud of it. The vast, wide-open prairie, the overwhelming abundance of cattle, and over 6 bazillion combines and balers make ND a great state. OK, maybe not. But I would like to make this a formal complaint to all of the people who think ND is a poor, electricity-less dust bowl. It’s not. Sure, there may not be as much going on here as there is in Florida or California, but good God, we don’t live in friggin tee pees. As much respect as I have for those that did live in tee pees and earth lodges, times have changed and so has our housing. Electricity did make it to ND, believe it or not, and yes, we do have running water. Here is just an example of what people think when they hear or see the words “North Dakota”:

I was on holiday in Florida and my family and I went to Burger King in Tampa. Not wanting to lose cash, we took along traveler’s checks. As we were paying the young lady for our meal, we handed her the ND traveler’s check. She looked at it for a while, then gazed up at our patient faces and said, “Is this what your money looks like there?”

If there was one person in the world that day that I wanted to throw my meal at, it was her. Her manager later excused her absolute stupidity and said she doesn’t get out much. Ya think?

I'll be completely honest, I wouldn't want to visit ND to see the sights, but please don't hate on us just because you would rather be in the mountains instead of the prairie. One great attraction North Dakota does have is an amazing golf course in historic Medora called Bully Pulpit. It is set in the beautiful Badlands and draws golfing enthusiasts from far and wide.

If you are in the area, or just feeling spontaneous stop by North Dakota. I dare you. You might like it. Whatever you do, don't make fun of us anymore, please.

Dunder Mifflin: Fargo

2007-10-29T12:38:00.000-05:00

Sweeping planet Earth in selling paper, Dunder Mifflin Inc. has expanded to Fargo, North Dakota. That's right, now you can get all of your paper needs right here in Eastern ND. Check us out at the new Dunder Mifflin Infinity website. You can apply now and join our relentless pursuit to become the world's leader in paper distribution. Limitless paper for a paperless world.

Come on Down: Drew's First Day

2007-10-15T15:10:00.000-05:00

What do the phrases "Cleveland Rocks!" and "Welcome to 'Who's Line is it Anyway?' a show where the points don't matter" have in common? Drew Carey. Now, he can add another to his resume: "Come on down, you're the next contestant on The Price is Right."
That's right, Drew Carey is the new host of "The Price is Right," formerly commanded by the legendary Bob Barker. His debut on the popular game show aired today, October 15th, at 10:00AM CDT. Carey is by no means as effective at selling the "help control the pet population" campaign as Barker, but he isn't half bad at selling the show. I'll be honest, Carey wasn't very good his first time. He seemed like he was lost, he came across as creepy to me, getting a little too close to one of the contestants, and he appeared to be helping the contestants with their choices, saying at one occasion, "good choice." Nonetheless, I am lenient with Carey as this was his first show and I'm sure as time goes on, he will become more comfortable with the game show. Something good did happen on his first show, it was perfect. Perfect in the sense that every contestant won their game. Maybe Carey is just good luck. Whatever he is, he will be a great host.

Fall Movie Rundown

2007-10-08T15:30:00.000-05:00

With this post I hope to address some of the myths regarding socialized medicine. Not interested? Fine I'll talk about upcoming movies. But don't even act like I couldn't breakdown socialized medicine because I totally could in about 3 and a half paragraphs. Without further adieu, let's talk us some cinema!

October 12: Michael Clayton

Because I'm movie snob by nature, I like smart movies. Zodiac, Memento, The Usual Suspects, and Syriana are some of my favorites. This is why I'm excited about Michael Clayton. Most accounts bill it as a cleverly-written and suspenseful drama. George Clooney is about as good of a leading man as a movie can have. He's damn fun to watch. Skimming over the Rottentomatoes reviews I noticed some guy named David Denby said Clooney has never had better lines. Though that is a cool, movie-reviewer thing to say, I would be lying if I said it didn't excite me.

October 19: 30 Days of Night, Gone Baby Gone

First, let's get to 30 Days of Night. I'll be honest the first reason I checked this movie out was because the use a Muse song in the trailer (Apocalypse Please). If the Nancy Drew movie had a Muse song on the soundtrack I would have easily rented it, maybe twice. Secondly, it's a vampire movie, but you don't have the morning to save you. Vampires are badass. It's the scary movie month. Josh Hartnett is a sheriff. In Alaska. Vampires frolicking in snow. Blood shows up good in snow. There are jump, or as some people will call "cheap" scares (those people are just chickens). It's based on a graphic novel, something that translates to movies very well (V for Vendetta, Sin City, the 300, etc.) The only thing missing is Kate Beckinsale as a vampire in leather.

Secondly, Gone Baby Gone. I don't know if this movie will be released here in Fargo, but I hope to god it does. This movie feels a lot like the Departed to me. Both are, after all set in Boston. The movie has already got some early reviews in, and it looks like it will turn out to be an award contender. Casey Affleck, whose brother Ben is directing, is one of the most underrated actors working today, and this will definitely earn him some recognition. Voice of god Morgan Freeman is also in the movie.

October 26: Saw IV; Run, Fatboy, Run

Everyone that steps foot into a Saw movie knows exactly what to expect. They are fairly formulaic in plot and pacing. That doesn't mean they aren't damn entertaining. Saw IV will probably be as good as the other three, as they do seem to be fairly consistent. They aren't the scariest movies ever, as suspense is usually sacrificed for gore. I just hope they can keep coming up with twist endings, I guessed the one in the third and was disappointed as a result. Here's to a bowel-evacuating twist in Saw IV.

Run, Fatboy, Run is Simon Pegg's first movie since the absolute genius that was is Hot Fuzz. I don't expect this to be as good, since Edgar Wright and Nick Frost aren't involved, but Simon Pegg is top 5 if not number 1 as far as comedic actors are concerned. This movie serves as a warm-up to his next, probably biggest hit stateside in How to Lose Friends and Alienate People. Simon Pegg can do pretty much anything and I'll laugh so I'm definitely looking forward to this.

Before year's end, we also have American Gangster, I Am Legend, National Treasure: Book of Secrets, and Judd Apatow's next project Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story. This years big movies have pretty much all been released, but as you can see there still are some good'uns coming soon.

Top 10 Tuesday: Fast Food Joints

2007-09-04T00:02:00.000-05:00

Food. Ahh...I can smell it now. Not just any food, fast food. Of course, like most things, fast food causes cancer, ringworm, and probably chlamidia, but oh how I enjoy it. Come on, whoever doesn't enjoy a convenient fast food joint every once in a while is a lying sack of potatoes in the middle of Idaho. So, in honor of America's wonderous places of grub, I hereby announce, to you, my top 10 favorite fast food rastaurants:

10. Burger King
Famed for it's charbroiled burgers, Burger King barely makes it into the top 10. The only real reason they made it on the list is because of their french fries. There is just something about the fries at "The BK Lounge" that makes my taste buds orgasm. They have the best french fries among all of the "Big" corporations, so therefore they start out the list at #10.

9. Arby's
Arby's is mostly famous for their delicious roast beef sandwiches. On the contrary, I happen to hate roast beef. However, I do have a passionate love for their crispy chicken sandwiches and curly fries. And, oddly enough, I love the way they wrap their sandwiches. How on Earth do they do it? Part tin-foil, part paper? WTF? Whatever it is, It's good enough to be #9 on this prestigious list.

8. Taco John's
Taco John's may have invented the way to make the most use of a potato. The Potato Olé. My dear God, if these don't complete a West-Mex meal then I don't know what does. Not only did Taco John's make the potato olé, but they also ingeniously decided to place it in a burrito with the company of crispy chicken: the Meat and Potato Burrito. Now that's a whole lot of Mexican, amigo.

7. Chipotle
I never used to believe that a burrito could actually resemble a large brick, until I walked into the kingdom of Chipotle. Their burritos are friggin amazing and are the best thing that happened to mexican food since the chaco taco. Burrito me.

6. McDonald's
When a person walks into McDonald's thinking "By golly, if I eat this food, I'm going to be a fat ass and have four heart attacks by the time I leave this place," they are automatically going to hate the food. I, on the other hand, like to think of eating McDonald's as an excuse to work out more. And, of course, I throughly enjoy indulging in the super cheap super greasy super good food. Good for your body? Hardly. Good for your soul? Probably not. But, I'm lovin' it.

5. Erbert and Gerbert's
Erbert said to Gerbert said Erbert to Gerbert, "Damn, these subs are good." Good they are. Erbert and Gerbert's brings a unique style to the submarine sandwich. They literally disect the sandwich by taking the "Guts" out. The Guts are the bread in the inner uppper half of the sandwich. By taking the Guts out of the sandwich, it makes room for lettuce and other extras. Did I mention they give you the Guts back? Well, they do. And they are quite good to dip in their various daily soups. Erbert and Gerberts is wonderful.

4. Taco Bell
Despite having horrible nachos, Taco Bell is probably the best Mexican food in the fast food industry. Quite frankly, I need to say no more than 'Cheesy Gordita Crunch'. Point sold.

3.Quiznos
Toasted subs are goooooood. Especially Quiznos. When you eat a sub at Quizno's, you get more meat for your dollar than at Subway. Words do not do justice for this sandwich haven. Try it.

2.Wendy's
I can't really explain this one. Wendy's is a phenomenon. It's greasy fast food, but for some reason it's absolutely delicious. And of course, the Frosty. If the Frosty isn't the most delicious dairy product in the land, then I don't know what is.

1.Jimmy John's
In first place comes Jimmy John's. Jimmy John's is very much like Erbert and Gerbert's...only 5 times better. Their ingredients and sandwiches are almost identical. One thing that Jimmy John's does is NOT CUT THE SANDWICH IN HALF! I love this. It makes the sandwich taste better for some reason and I feel that I get more of the sandwich and can become more personal with it, you know, get to know it a little better before I digest.

P.S. I was overwhelmingly late on this post so this is technically Top Ten Monday. It won't happen again..I hope.

Quick, 45-second long life wasters

2007-09-01T22:42:00.000-05:00

I know your going to try and read this in 45 seconds because you're funny like that, but the life wasters I'm talking about aren't these posts.
Here's our toopic: I know hate is a strong word, but it's a child of a word when I'm trying to express my distaste for these damn low-budget commercials. Everytime I watch commercials, especially on ESPN, I feel like I'm playing Russian Roulette. Allow me to explain. You've seen them:
BlueHippo desktop computers
LifeAlert
The Wilfred Brimley Diabetes Spiels
Basically any Non-Profit get out of debt/make the bill collectors stop calling ones
You get the picture.
Every time one of these come on it's like a bird pooped on my windsheild. Only it's not a bird-sized poop, it's human sized and it means business. Do you appreciate the visual? Because it's necessary.
They use the same template designed in 1957 by Helen Keller. Rosie O'Donnell thinks those commercials are ugly. I'd rather watch channel 0 while knifing my corneas & listening to My Chemical Romance backwards than listen to that Douche talk about credit scores again.
If you want to convince me you can get me out of debt stop making commercials like your in debt yourself. It's damn near 2007. Buy a new computer and stop trying to make commercials on Windows 1876 or go to hell and make Hitler watch your commercials, because the only thing they're good for is painful, soul-killing torture. Cheers.

Thank You Hornacek

2007-08-30T19:41:00.000-05:00

I'd like to take this time to thank Jeff Hornacek for being such a great asset to the Utah Jazz and the NBA. Well, I'm back along side Chim with great news: I'm alive. I have actually been playing NFL Blitz for N64 for the last 6 months so I haven't had any time to post. No Joke. Whoever said N64 is dead lied. It is, in fact, very alive and well. As Chim said in the post below, we are discontinuing the Tuesdaily Music Post. Don't fret, we have a new theme to get you through your Tuesdays: Top 10 Tuesday. Here we will list our top 10 favorites, or top 10 least favorites. By the way, while I'm on the subject, if you have any suggestions for us to write about for a daily theme, drop us a note on the Facebook group or just comment on this post. Sunkist is good and football is on ESPN HD. Until I see you--Enjoy.

Back in Business

2007-08-30T01:19:00.000-05:00

I think it's fair to assume that thousands of you have been waiting with bated breath for the return of....us. We'll we're back and as slightly above average as ever with Pleasant Millionaires 2.0. (2.0 is code for Zombie edition.) We intend to post frequently, but the aquisition of ESPN HD might foil that plot.
What's changed? Well no more Tuesdaily music posts. That was like assigning myself homework. I'll be posting on things like movies, sports, and random things that *tickle my fancy.
All that aside, I'd like to revisit the Librarian scandal that rocked our world last spring. I don't hate librarians. One of my friends mom is one, and she's one of the nicest ladies I've met. There is a differance, though. She doesn't take herself as seriously as readers of the site mentioned a few lines down.
As I'm sure half the country knows, one of the first posts I wrote for this blog was an anti-librarian rant. Though I agree with everything I said, 'twas overall meant in jest. Librarians, known for their stale, soul-less, self-appreciaitve brand of humor, flipped shit. (Scroll down)
http://www.warriorlibrarian.com/ARCHIVE/index243.htm
Due to the encouragement by the "Warrior Librarian," thousands of Librarians commented on the post. (By thousands I mean 1 excluding the WARLIB's webmaster.) The whole article reeks of elitist, detached, idiocracy. It makes me wonder what depths of loneliness and emptiness a person, in this case a librarian, would have to sink to in order to visit a site like the Warrior Librarian frequently. I am also dissappointed that someone as supposedly eloquent as a Librarian website webmaster couldn't think of a better word to use than moron. Maybe mix in a thesaurus between your Nora Roberts romance novels as you sit down doing nothing but read and point your 48 year old former classmates to the bathroom, one of the few things you can help with. That is the last you will hear of librarians on this blog. GOOD DAY SIR.

Tuesdaily Music Post: Drought Edition

2007-05-15T22:56:00.000-05:00

There really isn't anything that you should be checking out this week. Linkin Park's new album is unnecessary, it sounds like songs cut from the first two, both of which are pretty okay. That's really all there is, and it sucks. Fortunately this summer has a lot coming, including:

June 5: DMX producer Swizz Beatz drops "One Man Band," which will probably be better in instrumental.

June 12: Queens of the Stone Age-Era Vulgaris. I mentioned single Sick, Sick, Sick in the last TMP and the more I listen to it the more I like it. It features Strokes front man Julian Casablancas on synth guitar and backing vocals. For those that don't know, Casablancas is the coolest bastard in the world, so check it out.

June 19: White Stripes-Icky Thump. Don't have anything more to say about this. See previous TMP.

June 26: Editors-An End Has a Start. The Editors are one of my favorite bands that no one else I know has heard about. Cannot wait for this.

Art Brut-It's a Bit Complicated. I love Art Brut. They have an entirely unique style that means they'll never be mainstream but they rock.

July 3: Velvet Revolver-Libertad. Slash is the lead guitarist, so get ready to have your ass blown off by this record. Velvet Revolver is quality.

July 10: Interpol-Our Love to Admire. A decent band with some passable stuff. Take it or leave it, they're nothing too special.

Who thought this was a good idea?

2007-05-08T22:31:00.000-05:00

A movie called Delta Farce comes out this weekend. If you plan on seeing this movie stop reading because there is nothing I hate more than you. This movie is "acted" by a stable of morons including the redneck comedians Bill Engvall and Larry the Cable Guy, not to mention DJ Qualls. Take a look at the poster. In this war, the wind doesn't blow, it hurls. You know what I'm going to say. Note the Born to Snooze on the helmet. That's funny because soldiers need to be aware all the time and rednecks are lazy. That's called irony, folks. There's a subtle "Git er dun" pin, apparently the three funniest words to say if you have cow-shit on your boots. Oh, and Slim Jims, because what's funnier than rhyming jerky? I just saw the trailer and I can't explain the helplessness I feel. Someone save us from this crap. I will absolutely guarantee you if you gave an IQ test to everyone in a America, you would see a high correlation between Larry the Cable Guy fans and Borderline retards. If you see this movie Jiffy Lube has a minimum wage job with your name on it.
Let's break down the trailer (youtubed at bottom):
00:12-If you listen closely, you can almost hear the big voice guy thinking this is the dumbest movie he's ever introduced.
00:22-Step in to a Slim Jim is not a punchline.
00:33-NASCAR inevitably makes an appearance, because rednecks are so one-dimensional you know that was coming.
00:40-They climb into a Humvee to sleep, only to have it be dropped into "Iraq."
00:54-The first gay joke. "Don't ask, don't tell." Bleeping hilarious. Such chemistry. Anchorman who?
01:09-PLOT TWIST/SPOILER ALERT: They are actually in Mexico. Why a cargo plane thought it was necessary to pass over Mexico en route to Fallujah is apparently beside the point. This puts the fight club plot twist to shame. Wait, I saw this movie before, except with actual comedic talent.
01:20-This is Mexico, she wouldn't speak English, and if she did it wouldn't be like that.
01:25-Larry falls down, LMFAO.
01:31-"Look at our cars, ese." Yep, you'll hear that a lot central Mexico.
01:41-"Git er dun." America's favorite retard battle cry. Know what, shut the hell up with "Git er dun," that ship has sailed.
01:53-Final gay joke, it's different than the first because this time he's wearing a dress. "This always happens when I eat the worm," get it? Penises are sometimes called worms, ha ha.
That'll do it. Keep in mind that trailers usually waste most of the funniest lines in the trailer. Anybody with a thought process will spend most of this POS movie looking around saying "What the fuck, I thought this was 28 Weeks Later." Hopefully the target audience is too busy getting drunk and going to rodeos and this movie bombs Friday night.

Tuesdaily Music Post: Rent a Movie Edition

2007-05-08T15:44:00.000-05:00

What's New?
Nothing really big this week. 50 Cent, Interpol, and Queens of the Stone Age have new singles out. 50's "Straight to the Bank" is annoying with the laughs in the hook but still better than any MIMS Bullshat, Interpol's "Heinrich Maneuver" is decent enough for fans but won't make them many new ones, and the same goes for QotSA's "Sick, Sick, Sick." Also, Interpol is getting a little too close to emo for me. I love the "Antics" album but come on guys, 25% of your songs borderline suck, you don't need to give me any more reasons to stop listening to you. Cut your damn hair.

As for albums, there are only two choices. Maximo Park's "Our Earthly Pleasures" or The View's "Hats Off to the Buskers." I told you nothing big was going on, didn't I? I've listened to both albums and this is a no-brainer. The View are quite a bit better. "Wasted Little DJs" is this year's best road trip song. "Face for the Radio" shows an obvious Beatles influence. But, unless you like garage or indie rock, you'll probably hate it. Fair warning.

Bring College Baseball to the Main Stage

2007-05-07T18:09:00.000-05:00

Omaha, Nebraska, home to the College World Series (CWS) where thousands upon thousands of people come from all over the United States to watch. Even millions more watch from home on their TVs. But why is college baseball broadcasted on national TV only during the CWS? Why not televise more games throughout the year so people know what is going on and which teams are good when they sit down and watch the CWS itself.

It baffles me that ESPN will put on The World Poker Tour, or women's golf or, heck, even a dog show before they will televise a college baseball game. I can only watch Chris Moneymaker fold pocket sixes pre-flop so many times before I go insane. If I want to watch someone tee off 30 feet in front of what should be the only tee box, I will do it myself at my local golf course. I don't want to see Annika Sorenstam do it. What I want to see is North Carolina's Matt Cox pitch a no hitter against Florida State, or, as hard as it would be, Coastal Carolina beat the Nebraska Cornhuskers two games in a row.

Call me crazy and tell me that NCAA baseball can't compete with MLB baseball on TV. Probably true. But let's widen our options on what type of baseball Americans want to watch. Some people (including me) want a break here and there from the crack of bat and would rather hear the ball come off with a ping. Here are the NCAA baseball rankings as of today. Check them out and maybe it will aid in knowing which teams are hot and which ones are not. But, in the meantime, I have to go watch the Navy vs. John Hopkins lacrosse game on ESPNU.

Tuesdaily Music Post: Icky Thump Edition

2007-05-01T00:15:00.000-05:00

Music Releases:

Icky Thump-White Stripes

The White Stripes released the first single of their next Album, also called Icky Thump, on iTunes earlier last week and it is possibly their second best song behind Seven Nation Army. It has a very EPIC 80's feel to it, you just have to hear it. The album will thankfully be more guitar heavy than "Get Behind Me Satan" was. Don't get me wrong, GBMS was an above average CD, but when half your band is made up of one of the best guitarists in modern rock you should leave the piano out of it. Seriously, who doesn't love the White Stripes?

Baby 81- Black Rebel Motorcycle Club

I just found out about BRMC, but I listened to "Weapon of Choice," and it's pretty damn good. Probably not worthy of a trip to Best Buy, but I'm not sure. It will be getting a lot of play on my iPod this week though, in between Favourite Worst Nightmare spins. BRMC is a pretty weird band, which in this case isn't a bad thing. They're Kasabian+Silversun Pickups. They are definitely worth a look, especially during a slower week like this. The new CD, Baby 81, comes out today. I don't think it refers to Terrell Owens but I could be wrong.

Brady has a New Target

2007-04-29T18:58:00.000-05:00

"Brady drops back, fakes left, looks right, throws down field to Moss on the fly. TOUCHDOWN RANDY MOSS!! PATRIOTS WIN!!" - possible future radio call.

I am still pinching myself and I am still not convinced that this happened: Today, the Oakland Raiders traded WR Randy Moss to the New England Patriots for a fourth-round draft pick (110th overall) in the 2007 NFL draft, which concluded today. This year's draft didn't interest me at all. But, when I heard about Moss's move, I was stunned. I knew that he was leaving Oakland as Moss wanted to leave as much as Raider Nation wanted him to leave, but I didn't expect him to go to the Patriots. There was talk about him being traded to the Packers, but obviously that fell through.

Was this a good move for the Patriots? I would have to say, yes. The past couple seasons with the Raiders, Moss didn't put up very good numbers. It wasn't because Moss has gotten worse, it was because he didn't have anyone to throw to him. Next year, and years following, Moss will have a pigskin throwing machine in Tom Brady to get him the ball. Coach Bill Belichick knows how to assemble Super Bowl teams and I don't think he will let Moss walk out of Gillette Stadium in the 4th quarter.

Nevertheless, Randy Moss is a Patriot, and I think he it will be his best stint with any team. The first issue he will have to deal with is what number he will be. He should go back to the old #84 as #18 didn't fair too well for him.

Despite the big gain for the Patriots, the Jacksonville Jaguars are still the best team in the world, hands down.

The only draft coverage I Enjoy.

2007-04-27T15:20:00.000-05:00

Will Ferrell is the funniest entertainer in the United States right now. He has the ability to make something I have no interest in incredibly funny.

Perfect Example: His draft skits for NFL Films

Enjoy. I have absolutely no opinion on draft so if you want a top-5 pick projection go somewhere else.

Torii Hunter Delivers a No-No

2007-04-24T19:40:00.000-05:00

Last September, the Kansas City Royals swept the Detroit Tigers, allowing for the Minnesota Twins' to win the American League Central Division by one game. Nobody is a grateful as Twins Gold Glove winner Torii Hunter (apparently). This past weekend, Hunter delivered four bottles of champagne to the Royals clubhouse as a token of gratitude. After all, the Royals really had no reason to win the game except for bragging rights and a few bottles of the bubbly. Hunter's act could, according to the MLB rule book and commissioner Bud Selig, cost him a three-year suspension.

Rule 21-b states:
"Any player or person connected with a Club who shall offer or give any gift or reward to a player or person connected with another Club for services rendered ... in defeating or attempting to defeat a competing Club ... shall be declared ineligible for not less than three years."

Ouch. If Selig puts this rule into effect, it could mean a world of hurt for the Twins. But let's take a look at how irrational a three-year suspension would be in this situation. I wouldn't consider it a bribe for the Royals to win because Hunter gave them the bottles seven months after the series occurred. And be honest, the Tigers (95-67) had to play pretty bad to get swept by the Royals (62-100) last year. Hunter said he didn't even know about the rule at the time, and if he had, I'm sure he wouldn't have sent the care package. Selig needs to think over the situation before making any harsh decisions. Maybe suspend him for a game, or even a series. But for three years? Give me a break. Hunter said that his intentions were good and it was meant to be a joke. Let's let this pass by and focus on something more important. Like maybe A-Rod hitting 74 long balls this year?

Tuesdaily Music Post: Monkeys & Gorillaz Edition

2007-04-23T22:09:00.000-05:00

Tuesdaily Music posts will have a boatload of links. If you follow them all and can still remember your name, you win a very cool prize: INFORMATION!
Album releases for April 24:
Arctic Monkeys-Favourite Worst Nightmare

Already have this album, and it's kickasstastic. Easily Europe's most anticipated album and mine as well, there isn't a song on it that I couldn't listen to all day. The 1st single is Brianstorm, yes BrIAnstorm, and it's got a Dick Dale feel to it. See it here. The best song is probably Fluorescent Adolescent, one of the more mellow songs and will more than likely be their big hit stateside when the single-ize it. My favorites are Teddy Picker and House is a Circus though. Reviews have been extremely high, it's bagged an 83 average on metacritic (which is the rottentomatoes of music.) NME review here and AMG review here.

Besides that, there really isn't that much else I'm excited for. No other good alternative stuff out this week. Nine Inch Nails has a new CD out if your into that. The NIN cd changes color when it heats up from spinning in your CD player, which proves labels will do anything to sell actual cd's than downloads.

Hip-Hop has another empty week and making me positive that if emo and country didn't exist it would be the worst genre ever. This coming from a guy that still listens to Eminem, Jay-Z, and Nas on a daily basis, because they actually got it and weren't as empty-headed as rappers are now. Hip-Hop is phuggen demised.

Music News:

Gorillaz: DEAD!

Well, finished at least. Lead singer Damon Albarn says so. I hate hearing this. Demon Days was awesome. Damon Albarn is in two other bands though, both are nearly as good. You've heard this Blur song. Blur's been around since 1989, went on hiatus in 2003, and is fortunately considering a comeback. His new band, The Good, the Bad, and the Queen, has a song you should hear. tGtBatQ also involve a Clash bassist and a Verve guitarist.

Coachella phuggen gets underway

If you haven't heard of Coachella, you listen to too much Ashlee Simpson and garbage like MIMS. It's the best rock festival in the states and it happens every year. Every band is there. This year it'll be headline by The Red Hot Chili Peppers and Rage Against the Machine, but I think there are literally a billion other bands there as well. There is no other place I would rather be this weekend than at this mother. Arctic Monkeys, Interpol, Decemberists, Tokyo Police Club, Kaiser Chiefs, Silversun Pickups, The Good The Bad and The Queen, The Fratellis, The Feeling, The Kooks, Klaxons, and Lupe Fiasco. Money. Oh, and it's MyChemical Romance, Fall Out Boy, and Panic! free. Tank Gawd. Unfortunately, We Are Scientists cancelled because they're recording, which really isn't that unfortunate at all.

My Chemical Romance Bassist Quits.

Don't expect much emo news from this site, but this looks fishy. It says their bassist quit because he got married and needs to spend more time with his "wife." I call bull$hit. Nobody in My Chemical Romance is into chicks. I wonder this "female wife" likes the fact that he and his friends dress in matching tight leather outfits and eyeliner as they sit in a dark basement writing poetry which inevitably include the words despair and death. Now all we need is to find a some emo chicks to marry the lead singer and whatever moron writes their trying-way-too-hard-to-be-epic lyrics. Emo chicks are as messed up as a Christopher Reeve slam dunk so this shouldn't be a surprise. I'll end on that note.

Your name isn't Corey Hart, it's D-Bag.

2007-04-23T02:21:00.000-05:00

I don't know why, but there is something about popped collars that makes me want to vandalize American Eagle. Fortunately for collar-poppers, they aren't my subject today. Nope, it's the bleeping stooges that wear sunglasses indoors and after sunset. If you've ever done this you probably mac on low self-esteemed chicks half your age.

According to an expert in D-Bagology "The official Child Molester uniform includes wearing sunglasses and Axe (or TAG) body spray."

Your not impressing anybody. If they've stumbled their way into a relationship and their girlfriend hasn't told them that they look like an idiot, she's probably deflatable. Everyone knows why they're wearing them. No it isn't to look cool. It's to perv out for extended periods of time without detection. I also guarantee they spend more on hair gel than on sports annually. Most will take a Pilate's class only to score chicks, never to do anything more than smile awkwardly as they watch them do the "Tree Frog." At what point in their blind search for an identity do they decide that they are going to be indoor sunglasses guy? What childhood trauma? If you wear sunglasses at night you are basically saying my parents failed so miserably that I can't perform basic functions like not being a douche. You damn well better have a lazy eye. Either that or you're are Cyclops.

What the Hell is that?

2007-04-22T23:40:00.000-05:00

I have smelled some disgusting things in my life. Subway, poop, and brussel sprouts are a couple that top my list of "the worst smells in the universe." However, when I stepped out of the car in Grand Forks, ND I got a whiff that I hope I never smell again. Some say it's the smell of the potato factory in town, but there has to be something else fueling the fire. No lie, it smelled like Rosie O'Donnell soaking in a vat of tuna casserole. My nostrils are burned and by brain is confused. Here is a list I compiled of some things that smell better than the stench that lingers in the air of Grand Forks.

Wet dog
Feces
Sanjaya Malakar
B.O.
Tomato Juice

It's these things that make me wish I never had a nose in the first place. I can think of better uses for the middle of my face. Perhaps another arm, maybe a cup holder (everyone knows the world needs more of those) I would even take a friggin lobster to replace my nose when I'm in Grand Forks. I know you are confused by this post. And that bothers you.

We Are Scientists: Funniest Band Ever

2007-04-21T00:14:00.000-05:00

They are my second favorite band, even though they're probably the 12th best at making music. They're site is so damn funny and they youtube it up. They are connected with the Lonely Island gang, and they are every bit as random. Some highlights for your weekend viewing pleasure, and it has nothing to do with their music.
"A Parrot Between Us"

They did a Queen speech the same day the Queen did hers. Theirs is better. Watch the whole thing, you won't regret it.
http://www.youtube.com/v/NoOf6BETTHw

Anywho, Akiva Schaffer, best known as the tall nerd from Just 2 Guys vid on thelonelyisland.com directed all three of there major singles videos.
Good night.

NBA Thoughts.

2007-04-20T21:55:00.000-05:00

Everyone complains it's broken yet nobody seems to have a solution. Even with the lottery balls teams still tank as hard as ever. Ask Ryan Gomes. I don't know where I got this idea, whether it be ESPN's or my own originally, but it seems logical.
Here's what it involves:
It's simple really. Take the teams that don't make the playoffs and rank them by records Prior to the All-Star break. That should take away any incentive to lose games that really don't mean much at the end of the season and give them no reason not to play hard. Well, let's be honest, less hard than they usually do. Pre-All-Star break records represent teams well enough to attain the supposed goal of parity.

The NBA will never go this far, since all it cares about is the top eight teams anyway. You want to know how to make the NBA better? Nothing to do with straight-to-the-pros rules or draft lotteries, and everything to do with cutting down the number of teams. The NBA is over-extended. Don't move the Sonics, ax 'em. I hate to say it but there should not be a team Charlotte or Atlanta. If a city hasn't supported a team EVER than get them the hell out of there. Guys like Mickael Gelabale have no business starting in this league and it makes me sick.

Alex Rodriguez is better than your favorite player.

2007-04-20T20:44:00.000-05:00

As a Twins fan I'm supposed to hate the Yankees. I try. But when Alex Rodriguez is hitting home runs like a take a leak I can't help but buying another one of there hats so I can wear it for a week. 12 HR's in 16 games. I couldn't even successfully tie my shoes in 12 of 16 games when I was in baseball. Yankee fans have famously ripped this guy for choking and not performing as well as they think he should in the playoffs. Those people are obviously idiots. Without A-Rod the Yankees would have been moved down to AAA this season. He's Kobe Bryant: Baseball Player. Tonight when A-Rod, representing the go-ahead run, flew out to second in the ninth rather than jack a third the Boston fans acted like Super Trooper Farva after the soap in the coffee gag. "Got you good, you f*****!" All A-Rod could say was, "I got out, good one Boston."

As far as the Yankees and Red Sox, there is no better rivalry in all of human history. Matter of fact, I'd say it's better than good v. evil and me v. popped collars. There is no match-up I would rather see than those two teams, I don't care if it's regular season. Pure is spelled B v. NY. Watching the game tonight I experienced instantaneous nostalgia. It just doesn't get any better. Béisbol: EN FUEGO.

Hang Up the Whistle

2007-04-17T21:58:00.000-05:00

The road for Joey Crawford, a referee in the NBA, may end in Dallas, TX. In a game between the Dallas Mavericks and the San Antonio Spurs, Crawford ejected Tim Duncan after apparently laughing about a call from the bench. Crawford was later suspended for the remainder of the season by commissioner David Stern after Duncan accused Crawford of wanting to fight.

Let me get this straight. A referee in the NBA calls out a 6' 11" 260lb center to fight? Okay. Not only do I think he should be suspended, he should be fired all together. Anybody who wants to fight an NBA All-Star should automatically lose their job because of the sheer stupudity. Wait, no, I take that back. I would actually like to see this fight. I say that if Duncan kicks the crap out of Crawford, then Crawford has to step down. But, if for some reason it turns out David (Crawford) beats Goliath (Duncan), he should be able to keep his job. Other than that, I don't think there is any place in the NBA for referees to bring their job onto a personal level. Granted he is considered to be one of the greatest NBA referees of all time, he needs to think before he acts. Dummy.

KFAN Bismarck: Dead!

2007-04-17T18:22:00.000-05:00

Worst news directly affecting me this week? (Pales compared to VT, no doubt.)
http://www.kxmb.com/getArticle.asp?ArticleId=113293
I've been a daily listener to A.M. 710 "the Fan" since my sophomore year, so when I heard KFAN was being replaced by ESPN Radio I was less than pleased. I love the Common Man noon-to-two, hell I've listened to him every single lunch for the past two years. Cory Cove a.k.a. "Sludge" is the single reason I've ever wanted to go into journalism. The Power Trip morning show is freaking ace. Honestly, I would do just about anything to get the Fan back in Bis-Man.

It could have been worse, though, had they replaced it with FOX Sports Radio. FOX radio actively makes you an idiot. I've listened to far more sports talk radio than I'm proud of, and I've yet to hear a more obnoxious person than "J.T. the Brick." JT is the man pictured, and the whole point of his show is to listen to opinions of his thousands of drunk/borderline retarded fans that are encouraged by Brick to "come hard." Now, if you ever have the urge to "come hard," here's what you do:
1. Yell into the phone
Yep, that's all there is to it. Actual content of opinion is irrelevant to Brick, who got his start being one of those loudmouth callers on Jim Rome. Yeah, not by putting in time by maybe interning and getting coffee, because hard work is for losers. He's the Taylor Hicks of sports radio.

But I digress...

I've actually enjoyed listening to Mike & Mike in the Morning and The Dan Patrick Show. You'd never hear a David Stern interview on the Fan. At the same time, I really don't care about who QB's the Dolphins next year. This is where national radio can't compete with local radio. PA and Dubay weren't afraid to talk NDSU basketball or UND Hockey. You can listen to ESPN for years and not hear the letters NDSU.

My favorite show, Sludge and Lake, was never on here in Bismarck, anyway. I listened to it online, right now, in fact. 7-to-9 at KFAN.com. I'd recommend it if your into that, a self-described mix of Conan O'Brien and Sportscenter. It's hilarious and isn't entirely about sports, the official show of me. If this post bored you to tears, than don't bother.
Here's a link of a highlight of the show for your listening pleasure:http://a1135.g.akamai.net/f/1135/18227/1h/cchannel.download.akamai.com/18227/podcast/MINNEAPOLIS-MN/KFAN-AM/SL041607_CLUBRANT.mp3?CPROG=PCAST&MARKET=MINNEAPOLIS-MN&NG_FORMAT=sports&SITE_ID=612&STATION_ID=KFAN-AM&PCAST_AUTHOR=KFAN_AM_1130&PCAST_CAT=Sports_Radio&PCAST_TITLE=Sludge_%26_Lake_-_KFAN_AM_1130

My Role Model

2007-04-16T19:40:00.000-05:00

The Youtube video below provides a visual reference to what kind of person I want to be in 10 years. It's a Red Sox fan that doesn't hesitate to throw a pizza directly at a fellow Sox fan for interfering with a play. Now, the interference actually helped his team so throwing a pizza seems irrational. I've compiled a list of reasons why he would throw the pizza knowing this:
1. He was drunk
He saw his opportunity to peg a guy with pizza and he took it. Just balls.
Look at the size of that thing. It's as massive as any piece I've ever seen, almost un-bitten. Knowing how horrible stadium pizza tastes, this is putting the five bucks he paid for it to better use. This guy doesn't care and he deserves a plaque. Red Sox are now my second favorite team.

Wearin' the Past

2007-04-15T00:41:00.000-05:00

There are few things in this world that please me. I can often find something wrong with anything I see, and I will just about always have a negative comment for it. There is, however, something that I will love for ever and ever and never have anything bad to say about. Throw-back NBA jerseys. I'm not talking about the ones that can be bought for hundreds of dollars, but the ones that are purchased at a thrift store for anywhere from 3-10 dollars. The jerseys that were once worn when the player was actually playing, or was playing for a former team are the best ones. Throwback jerseys are God's gift to mankind. When I wear one, I feel like I am sitting on a cloud of pre-owned glory, taking in all of the memories of NBA past. If anyone out there reading this has an NBA jersey or two or three or 87 that wants to give away, please please contanct me and I will be more than happy to take it off your back. Golf is Fun.

Thanks for caring

2007-04-13T23:30:00.000-05:00

If you actually took the time to read that welcome message you care way too much and it weirds us out. You should have stopped when you realized it was pointless. However, by reading that you have claimed a spot in our hearts and that is hard to do. Win some/lose some.

Librarians Wanted

2007-04-13T16:36:00.000-05:00

Requirements:
1. Be literate
2. Enjoy sitting
3. Be able to shush people
4. Repeat
I wonder why librarians are so crabby, they have the simplest job ever. Their only purpose is to make sure people don't jack books, and when was the last time you heard of an armed Library robbery? Intense research isn't necessary to understand the Dewey-Decimal System. I know they're necessary. I also know that being pissed all the time when you've got nothing to do but read magazines all day isn't. Cheer up. Name an easier job, you can't.

An Experience to Forget

2007-04-13T16:30:00.000-05:00

Alright, I'm a noob to this beautiful business of blogging, so bare with me. I experienced something today in Denver, Colorado, where I am on vacation attending a journalism convention. I walked in to a diner called Johnny Rockets on the 16th Street Mall and the first thing I notice is a group of employees dancing to "Stayin' Alive" by the Bee Gees. Why? At that point, I instantly wanted to leave as my eyes were burning from the waste of human energy. I have thought about it for about three hours now and I have yet to come up with even a spec of an idea about why this dancing would take place. It was about as big of a waste of time as "America's Next Top Model." There is no place for it on this planet and if I ever see it again I will yak everywhere.

Welcome

2007-04-13T16:16:00.000-05:00

Thanks, and welcome to The Pleasant Millionaires' blog. We aren't actually millionaires, or are we? We are indeed pleasant, however. We hope you enjoy your stay, and we hope this marks the beginning of positive changes in your life. For the record, all views of the bloggers are theirs and theirs alone. The content of this blog is not intended to offend anyone.

Signed,
Kenneth Noisewater
Chim Ridgalds

Via lonelyisland.com