Tuesday, May 8, 2007

Who thought this was a good idea?

A movie called Delta Farce comes out this weekend. If you plan on seeing this movie stop reading because there is nothing I hate more than you. This movie is "acted" by a stable of morons including the redneck comedians Bill Engvall and Larry the Cable Guy, not to mention DJ Qualls. Take a look at the poster. In this war, the wind doesn't blow, it hurls. You know what I'm going to say. Note the Born to Snooze on the helmet. That's funny because soldiers need to be aware all the time and rednecks are lazy. That's called irony, folks. There's a subtle "Git er dun" pin, apparently the three funniest words to say if you have cow-shit on your boots. Oh, and Slim Jims, because what's funnier than rhyming jerky? I just saw the trailer and I can't explain the helplessness I feel. Someone save us from this crap. I will absolutely guarantee you if you gave an IQ test to everyone in a America, you would see a high correlation between Larry the Cable Guy fans and Borderline retards. If you see this movie Jiffy Lube has a minimum wage job with your name on it.
Let's break down the trailer (youtubed at bottom):
00:12-If you listen closely, you can almost hear the big voice guy thinking this is the dumbest movie he's ever introduced.
00:22-Step in to a Slim Jim is not a punchline.
00:33-NASCAR inevitably makes an appearance, because rednecks are so one-dimensional you know that was coming.
00:40-They climb into a Humvee to sleep, only to have it be dropped into "Iraq."
00:54-The first gay joke. "Don't ask, don't tell." Bleeping hilarious. Such chemistry. Anchorman who?
01:09-PLOT TWIST/SPOILER ALERT: They are actually in Mexico. Why a cargo plane thought it was necessary to pass over Mexico en route to Fallujah is apparently beside the point. This puts the fight club plot twist to shame. Wait, I saw this movie before, except with actual comedic talent.
01:20-This is Mexico, she wouldn't speak English, and if she did it wouldn't be like that.
01:25-Larry falls down, LMFAO.
01:31-"Look at our cars, ese." Yep, you'll hear that a lot central Mexico.
01:41-"Git er dun." America's favorite retard battle cry. Know what, shut the hell up with "Git er dun," that ship has sailed.
01:53-Final gay joke, it's different than the first because this time he's wearing a dress. "This always happens when I eat the worm," get it? Penises are sometimes called worms, ha ha.
That'll do it. Keep in mind that trailers usually waste most of the funniest lines in the trailer. Anybody with a thought process will spend most of this POS movie looking around saying "What the fuck, I thought this was 28 Weeks Later." Hopefully the target audience is too busy getting drunk and going to rodeos and this movie bombs Friday night.


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