Quick, 45-second long life wasters

I know your going to try and read this in 45 seconds because you're funny like that, but the life wasters I'm talking about aren't these posts.
Here's our toopic: I know hate is a strong word, but it's a child of a word when I'm trying to express my distaste for these damn low-budget commercials. Everytime I watch commercials, especially on ESPN, I feel like I'm playing Russian Roulette. Allow me to explain. You've seen them:
BlueHippo desktop computers
LifeAlert
The Wilfred Brimley Diabetes Spiels
Basically any Non-Profit get out of debt/make the bill collectors stop calling ones
You get the picture.
Every time one of these come on it's like a bird pooped on my windsheild. Only it's not a bird-sized poop, it's human sized and it means business. Do you appreciate the visual? Because it's necessary.
They use the same template designed in 1957 by Helen Keller. Rosie O'Donnell thinks those commercials are ugly. I'd rather watch channel 0 while knifing my corneas & listening to My Chemical Romance backwards than listen to that Douche talk about credit scores again.
If you want to convince me you can get me out of debt stop making commercials like your in debt yourself. It's damn near 2007. Buy a new computer and stop trying to make commercials on Windows 1876 or go to hell and make Hitler watch your commercials, because the only thing they're good for is painful, soul-killing torture. Cheers.