Lately, I have abandoned my old ways of drinking water, or anything, out of regular glasses and cups. Say it with me, Mason Jar. Now, my name isn't Mason, and it isn't Jar, but that doesn't mean i can't drink out of something my grandma makes pickled everything in. Mason jars are the new Nalgene bottles. Mark my word.
I never knew how incompetent I was as an 8th grader until right now. I have a charcoal picture of Kobe Bryant that I made in 8th grade art class hanging on my wall. When I made it, I thought I resembled a young DaVinci. Now that I look closer at the piece, it looks like fucking Scottie Pippen. Why didn't someone tell me?
I have a stack of Metropolitan Home, Oprah, and Good Housekeeping magazines in my bedroom. I needed them for an advertising class so I asked my mom for any mags she could scrap up. This is what I got. I'm not gay. I just know more about housekeeping than you.
I have the urge to go fishing. Not like deep-sea fishing for sharks and piranhas. I want to fish for sunfish and perch. I used to own those little bastards with my Snoopy fishing pole and cans upon cans of corn. I was the Walter Ray Williams Jr. of sunfish fishing.
If you expected sports insight about college basketball or the NBA, this isn't the place to get it. We aren't ESPN. What you will get is a delicious breakfast and a bowling reference.
-Kenneth Noisewater
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