Your name isn't Corey Hart, it's D-Bag.

I don't know why, but there is something about popped collars that makes me want to vandalize American Eagle. Fortunately for collar-poppers, they aren't my subject today. Nope, it's the bleeping stooges that wear sunglasses indoors and after sunset. If you've ever done this you probably mac on low self-esteemed chicks half your age.

According to an expert in D-Bagology "The official Child Molester uniform includes wearing sunglasses and Axe (or TAG) body spray."

Your not impressing anybody. If they've stumbled their way into a relationship and their girlfriend hasn't told them that they look like an idiot, she's probably deflatable. Everyone knows why they're wearing them. No it isn't to look cool. It's to perv out for extended periods of time without detection. I also guarantee they spend more on hair gel than on sports annually. Most will take a Pilate's class only to score chicks, never to do anything more than smile awkwardly as they watch them do the "Tree Frog." At what point in their blind search for an identity do they decide that they are going to be indoor sunglasses guy? What childhood trauma? If you wear sunglasses at night you are basically saying my parents failed so miserably that I can't perform basic functions like not being a douche. You damn well better have a lazy eye. Either that or you're are Cyclops.